Everyone is different and everyone handles life in a different way. It’s good to be a people pleaser, as I used to be, people will know that they can count on you as a friend. However, it’s so good to be a little selfish sometimes and I will explain to you why it’s good to be selfish.
With the word ‘selfish’ I don’t want to say that it’s good to forget about other peoples needs and values and to just ignore their needs to fulfill your own. The best way is to find a balance between knowing your own needs and work to fulfill your own needs and to do what’s good for you and between being there for other people and thinking about what others might need. Balance is key, as it is with many other subjects.
I’m not writing about finding balance between being a people pleaser and being selfish, I might write about that specific subject in another blogpost. Today, I am explaining why it’s good to be selfish and why it’s totally okay to be selfish sometimes: it doesn’t make you a bad person. I promise you, 95% of the society is selfish even though it may not always feel that way (and sometimes it DOES feel that way).
It’s, in my opinion, not good to be a 100% people pleaser and to always think about the needs of others before your own needs. You should always prioritize your own needs and dreams. No one is going to work for your needs and your dreams, you are the only one that has control over it. If you only care about the needs of others, and it will make you a lovely friend and a lovely person, but you’re not doing your own needs any good. I absolutely don’t mean this in a bad way, as I used to be a people pleaser, but looking back: it didn’t make me happy and I let so many things go for others when I actually really wanted to do those things.
I realized that being a people pleaser didn’t make me happy, when I looked back at my actions in the past. There were so many things I let go to help others instead. I wish I didn’t. Life is so short, I’ve mentioned this before, and it’s truly so sad to look back and realized you let things go when you really didn’t wanted to let it go. Don’t live your life with regret. At the end: life is your own adventure.
However, don’t be too selfish to the people close to you. Friendships have so much value, and sometimes it’s good to let this go to help a friend or to do something for someone else. This is the balance I wasn’t going to write about, but I did wanted to say that I am not encouraging you to be completely selfish and never think about the needs of others. Their needs are a good solid second place, and when your own needs aren’t that “urgent”: look at their needs. Sometimes someone just really needs your help and that person might be too scared to say it. Don’t lose sight of their needs when you’re looking at your own needs.
Another thing I wanted to say is: think about the selfishness of your friends and the people around you. Being selfless is a really good thing, but no one is truly selfless. I have had many moments when I did something for a friend, and they didn’t return it at the time I needed it. This isn’t a bad thing, but it does make you think about what you’re doing for them. Being selfless isn’t a “return the favour” action. However, if one friend is never selfless for you: should you be selfless for them? No, I don’t think you do.
In addition to being selfish. I mentioned before that no one is going to take care of your needs and your dreams. Your own happiness is always in your own hands and your happiness should be a priority. If you’re happy and you’re taking care of your own happiness, you can be more selfless. Don’t out shadow yourself for others. Don’t feel guilty doing what’s best for you. Don’t carry the weight of other peoples happiness. Their happiness shouldn’t be dependent on you being selfless for them. And so shouldn’t your happiness. If someone doesn’t do something for you: do it yourself. Don’t be dependent on others.
I have a quote to share with you and I want to end the blog post with this quote.
“Don’t feel bad for making decisions that upset other people. You’re not responsible for their happiness, you’re responsible for yours.”