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Guys, this last month has been one big rollercoaster. I’m hardly absent on this blog, I always try to post two posts a week and even did three posts in December. However, I didn’t manage to write at all in January. It’s time to talk about what has happened and give a little life update! In short, I need to start over in my early twenties. Get a cup of tea and I hope this blogpost can be a (one way) conversation like we’re friends.
I need to start over in my early twenties
I feel like I need to apologize at first for leaving your hanging like this. There hasn’t really been an update about why I haven’t posted, not on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram. I did share that this long lockdown in the Netherlands is getting really hard mentally which is a reasonable part of me being MIA.
I’m feeling burned-out
Mindset and intentional living is something I have become passioned about. Mental health is my number 1 priority at all times. I need to look after it and that’s what I did this past month. Am I where I want to be? No. But I’m getting there.
Sometimes we all need to start over. I felt like I needed to start over in my early twenties. Figure out what I wanted after graduating university. Finding my feet in post-uni life and getting into balance with growing my business and figuring out life in general. Which is hard to do and I’m sure you understand.
Read more. Are you struggling as well? My 5 tips to get through a bad day might help you!
2020 and this year have been no joke to my mental health. Have you felt the same? Like you’re stuck in your daily routine. Not getting where you want. Your mind is spinning and you make plans. And more plans. And more plans. Until your mind goes into error and you are stuck. Nothing works. Nothing feels right. You feel lonely and unsure of the next steps to take. That’s been my mind for the majority of 2020 and it took it’s toll in January of this year.
This circle is like any other circle, never ending. It’s hard to get a grip on the situation and take control. The only way I found it to work is stepping back from basically everything and focus on just one thing at a time.
Blogging and growing my business have always been big priorities in my life. It still is. It’s weird to me that these things were what I had to sacrifice for my sanity and to feel mentally better. I guess I had big expectations, too many plans and wanted too many things at once which made me feel almost burned out.
So what did I do?
I have shared this exciting news before and if you have been on here for a while (yay!) you would have read the news about me moving into my own apartment. Gosh, did I mistaken the time, effort and energy it would cost to move into a newly build apartment. It was honestly draining. Mentally and physically. Yes, it was exciting. And I absolutely loved doing it but it was hard.
Finishing my apartment was a priority and beside my apartment, I just started a new job. As you may recognize, starting a new job is stressful even if everyone in the company is extremely nice and caring. Pressure on ourselves is a killer.
Read more. Self care is really important to me. Read here why you need to make self care a priority.
I loved January with these two exciting projects. I’m grateful to have found a job during a pandemic in a field I love, in a company that fits everything I value in life and with amazing people. I’m grateful to now live in a pretty and new apartment which absolutely feels like home after a week. But being grateful doesn’t mean you can’t mentally struggle.
It’s okay not to be okay but it always feels like a burden. There’s always someone who is in a worse situation. Someone who struggles more. It doesn’t mean what I feel, and maybe you feel as well, doesn’t matter. I need to learn that me not being okay, doesn’t mean I disvalue how someone else is feeling. My feelings are real, just as any other person. I can struggle and yes, some people are in worse situations but my feelings are valid. I am allowed not to be okay. And so are you.
I sometimes feel like I need to hear these things. I’m going to be honest here. Moving into my own apartment during a pandemic where you can’t really see anyone made me feel lonely since the last few months of 2020. I didn’t even live here in 2020 but it already made me feel lonely. I have been living are for exactly a week now and I’m glad to say that it feels like home. Yes, I do feel lonely at times and need to get used to the quietness around me. It’s something that needs to grow and it will come with time.
Despite it all, I have always been good on my own. I like doing my own thing. I love working on my blog and writing when I’m on my own. I’m hopeful for the next few months when hopefully, someday, lockdown ends and life gets easier. I am honestly holding on.
Read more. Do you want to wind down? Read here how I wind down and calm my mind!
OKAY, so what’s next?
I’m trying to be a future minded person and to have a positive attitude. Completely honest, I suck at this. Not always, I’ve been getting better at it. I am ready to hop on the train and get to the next destination. To where? I have no clue but I am excited for the journey.
I found my feet in my new job and there are exciting projects to come which make my creative mind super, super excited. I’m ready to grow my life in this apartment and create a good routine. I want a good morning routine with a healthy breakfast and a walk or run. I need to build a relaxing night routine to completely wind down.
I want to start reading again and actually write more. Not just blogposts. I want to start writing more in general. What does that mean? I’m not sure yet either but as soon as I figure it out, you are the first one to know. The first one I will tell. Because I’m so happy you’re here.
The truth is, no one knows what’s next. Life is a journey and the train will take you where ever it will go. Does the next stop feel right? Yes? Great, get off. No? Just stay in the train a little longer. You just gotta go with the flow and letting go is scary. But it is what gave my mind more peace. This is the first thing I’ve written in over a month. That’s the longest time I’ve gone without writing for years.
Life is about change. It makes us resilient. It makes us stronger. It teaches us to let go of control and to give into the moment. Live in the moment. To be surprised by what’s next. I want to open my eyes and REALLY look at the world. Every single day.
I want to go outside and feel the wind on my skin. The rain drops or sunshine on my face. I want to hear the sound of crashing waves and nature sounds. I want to watch the sunrise and sunset. I want to feel and experience the simple yet beautiful things in life. Go back to the basics and learn that the small things are the things that make me really happy.
I’m ready to grow into this adventure and doing everything I love. To stop saying “no” to things that scare me. When I’m old, I want to have millions of stories to tell to the people I love instead of thinking about the things I wish I had done. I want to stop worrying about what people think and do whatever the hell I want to do. No matter what anyone thinks.
I just want to be me and love life. What about you?